I feel so much love right now I could cry
I feel so much peace in my heart right now I could holler
I feel so content right now I could lay in a bed of flowers for days and sleep for weeks
I feel so many things at once right now that I want to feel overwhelmed, but for the first time
They’re mostly good feels, real feels, and Khloe feels. Nothing is influencing me but me
I’m proud of my progress
I’m proud of my journey
I’m proud of myself
These past few months have been life changing in ways I don’t think I’ve even realized yet
All I know is I’m ready for what’s next
I’m ready for whatever life has in store for me
I’m prepared for the best, the worst and everything in between
The day I turned 23, I could literally feel a new section of my heart open
I sat at the top of a mountain in Arizona and reflected on everything that has happened so far in my life. in that moment everything before April 23rd, 2019 was done. Chapter 1 was over.
I’m starting chapter 2 and I’m so ready
I know this is only the beginning
I know I still have so much to learn
I know I still had so much healing and growing to do but at 23, I’m doing pretty well
And I’m finally happy
I’m finally happy with where I’m at
Here’s to 6 more incredible and transformative months of 2019
Let’s make the last half of this year one to remember
I love you
I feel so much love right now I could cry
Hey Friends! Happy Late New year! I hope everyone’s year is off to a great start! I spent the entire month of January off social media to recoup and center myself for 2019. It was honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I was a little anxious and nervous to come back to it all. Social Media can bring so much unnecessary pressure sometimes. It felt nice to be alone without anything to distract me from my own thoughts. It felt nice to face myself head on. I have a lot more work to do, but I feel like I’m off to an amazing start. I wrote a lot, read a lot, sang a lot, made new friends, hung out with old ones, worked like crazy, and spent a lot of time alone. I feel rejuvenated and prepared for this year. 2018 was honestly a hot mess and I truly want to do things differently, which is why I started the year off with no social media. I suggest everyone take a break from time to time. I admit that a month may be a little extreme (it’s the Taurus in me), but even a few days away can make a huge difference in your growth and healing.
For me, January was a month full of hard work and self-care. I worked on several projects and prepared for several more that are in the works. I can’t wait to share them with you all! Stranger and the Shadow is up and running for a few more weeks at Vittum Theater and I would love for you all to make it if you can. I also have a few poetry sets coming up this month (one of which are free) and I would love to have support in the audience as this will be my longest poetry set to date. All of my upcoming shows are on my events page 😊 One project that I’m extremely excited to announce is my Winter Poetry Series, beginning this Sunday! Every week, I will discuss and read one of my poems on my YouTube channel (Khloe Janel). Please subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already! It would mean the world to me.
Every ounce of support doesn’t go unnoticed and I will forever be thankful for those of you who are riding with me through this journey. I don’t know where this project will take me or what I plan to do with it right now. All I know is I want to read my poetry more often so I’m going to do it the best way I know how. I’m so excited and anxious to hit the ground running with my poetry. One of my goals for this year is to not let my fear of failure and change stop me from doing what I love. I love poetry just as much as I love acting and singing; but my fear has stopped me from turning it into a career. This year I plan on changing that. I feel like I’m headed in the right direction and I wouldn’t be as confident about my work if it weren’t for the people who’ve been in my corner this entire time. Thank you all so much. I appreciate you and love you to pieces. I already feel like this year will be a transformative one for so many of us. Keep fighting for your dreams and don’t let anyone convince you that you are not good enough. Happy Black History Month and don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Last week I had the privilege of working with Erasing the Distance, a theater company that addresses mental health. 5 actors, including myself shared some of their signature stories to students at Robert Morris University over a two-day period. Each piece performed was informative, inspirational, and powerful. We had a talkback after each performance and it was amazing to see how many people felt comfortable sharing their personal stories. I was touched and in awe at the amount of resilience so many of these folks possessed, considering everything they've gone through. It also put things in perspective for me and reminded me that their are always people who have it worse than you. Even though I have my own struggles, it made me more grateful for what I have and where I'm at in life.
As a person who struggles with anxiety and depression, I've always wanted to work with this company. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about mental health considering so many people struggle with it every day. I believe the more we talk about, the more people will seek help and know they are not alone. I have a lot of aspirations. One of my main goals is to simply inspire others. Performing a piece that was so near and dear to my heart was an honor and I could feel the impact it made on the audience. I hope to keep helping and inspiring people.
In other exciting news, I was asked back on the Netflix show, "Easy"! Watch out for me on season 3! :) This is so exciting because this is my first time making a second appearance on a TV show. Hopefully this means something big is in store for me. I'm speaking it into the universe either way!
I've been asking myself for a few days: Where did the year go? It's crazy to think we only have 3 months left of 2018. This year flew by and has truly tested my strength, resilience, and faith. I'm anxious and excited for what's to come. This is my first time not having to go to school in about 17 years and I love the feeling. I love having more time to myself and more time to work on my art. On the other hand, I'm so used to being extremely busy that I don't know what to do when I have free time. I'm figuring out what I love to do. I'm learning my hobbies, my likes and dislikes for the first time. I think I prefer being super busy because I don't have to deal with myself. With me constantly being on the go for the past few years, I've been able to ignore a lot of things. Now that I'm alone more than usual, I have no choice but to face myself. It's scary but I think it's going to be rewarding. I feel like I'm growing, maturing, and becoming more of the person I've always wanted to be.
It’s always exciting for me when a new month rolls around! I feel so motivated to make it better than the last and be better than I was the last month. It seemed like 2018 just started and now we’re 8 months in. A good friend of mine told me about a vison board she created for herself and it inspired me to do the same. Basically it’s a list of goals that you put somewhere in your room as a daily reminder. I did a half year mark check in to see if I’ve accomplished any of my new year’s resolutions. To my surprise, I’ve actually accomplished a lot of them! It hasn’t been easy and I have a long way to go. However, I finally took the time to sit down and pat myself on the back. I’ve accomplished so much in my 22 years of living. I’m going to reward myself soon and take a mini vacation somewhere new.
Right now I’ve been extremely focused on Haymarket, which opens this Friday! I’m super nervous about it because I had a short amount of time to learn such a big show. On the other hand, it’s the challenge I asked the universe for and I know I’m going to do so well! I love being pushed and this experience is for sure doing that. I know the universe wouldn’t put something in my life that I couldn’t handle so I’m grateful and eager to learn from this.
In other news, I booked a role on Chicago Fire! I’ve wanted to be on one of these shows for so long!! I’m so grateful and thrilled! Chicago P.D was the first TV show I ever auditioned for three years ago. I’m so happy for this blessing! Alright franz, I should go work on my lines now. I hope each and every last one of you are accomplishing your goals. I hope August is a fulfilling and beautiful month for you.
Hey Franz! I hope everyone is having a great summer. This summer has definitely been one to remember. It’s been such a stressful yet rewarding roller coaster ride for me so far. I guess the summer right after graduating from college is hectic for most people so I’m trying to remain positive and hopeful. This past week I’ve filmed three different projects, one of which was for the Showtime television show called “The Chi”. My experience filming for “The Chi” was honestly amazing. I was reminded yet again how much I love acting. Everything I go through as an actor is worth it when I’m on camera doing what I love. I met so many different people and was challenged in ways I had never been (watch the episode to find out why). Because I booked a role on my third television show, I had to join the Screen Actors Guild (SAG). I’m super nervous and excited for this next chapter in my career. I know it’s only going to get bigger and better.
I also joined the cast of “Haymarket” with Underscore Theatre as the understudy for Lucy Parsons, the lead! I’m super thrilled for this opportunity because I have several guaranteed performances. I’ve never been a lead in a show let alone a musical. I’ve never had voice lessons. Everything with me regarding musical theatre is self taught with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 lessons my entire life. I’ve always felt insecure about my singing ability because of that. However, this opportunity and of course some confidence building showed me I’m just as talented and capable of performing in a musical alongside people with years of training and shine just as bright! I hope you all can make my performances :)
Every day is different. I’m trying to remain present and better myself each day. I’m so grateful for everything in my life- the good and the bad. I’m so grateful for the universe. I’m so grateful for those of you who take time out of your day to read my blogs and poetry. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Today I went to a poetry workshop/artist’s talk. I was surrounded by so many beautiful black female artists, something I’m not used to. It was just us, talking about our art and our experiences as black women. It was honestly exactly what I needed. I feel rejuvenated, inspired, understood, and loved. Healing is hard. Every day is different for me. I’m figuring out what I need in order to truly heal. I realized today that I need to surround myself around more black women. I need more black female identified friends. They get me like no one ever will. I’m also starting to realize that I’m more of an extravert. I love being alone; however, I was so motivated to keep going after this day that I’m starting to think that I recharge better when I’m around people, even though I might be silent the entire time. Just being surrounded by likeminded people and listening to others inspire me more than anything. Today I connected with people who truly understand me and I feel recharged now. I feel ready to take on the world and whatever she throws at me.
Thank you to all of the black women in my life and around the world. I love you. I believe in you. You are appreciated. You matter. You are beautiful. You are worthy. Thank you.
I’m in this exciting yet weird transition in my life right now. I’m trying to find my place and purpose. I think I know what it is but I’m still not completely sure. Who knows if I ever will. Either way, I’m content with where I’m at right now. I’m trying to remain peaceful and positive. To help with that, I’m starting a new thing I’m calling the Summer Series. Basically, every Wednesday I’m going to post a new poem that represents how I’m feeling that week, that month, or even in that moment. I came up with this because I had group therapy every Wednesday for the past 8 weeks. However, now that it’s over, I want to continue doing something every Wednesday for myself and my mental health. My first poem is up and I hope you all love it as much as I do.
Hey franz! I'm going to try and blog more now that I'm out of school. Speaking of school, life after graduating has been just as hectic. The good thing is now I don't have to worry about getting to class, doing homework, and anything else school related. Now all I worry about is the many auditions, gigs, and general life related obstacles that come my way. It hasn't hit me yet that I'm actually done with school. I think it'll hit me once August comes around and I don't get a slew of emails from new professors. I'm excited and extremely nervous for what's to come. I've had so many people ask me what I plan to do now. I honestly plan to continue doing what I've been doing but even more intensely. I do plan to travel more, have more fun, make more money, and be happier. Yes, I eventually will move. But, right now I'm just taking everything day by day.
The thought of moving has already made me super anxious. I'm nervous to start over. I'm scared I won't succeed. Overall, I'm just afraid of the change. I know it will be extremely challenging, which also makes me anxious. However, a good friend of mine once told me that if something scares you then you must do it. I keep telling myself that I'm going to succeed and this is just apart of my journey. In other news, I'm finally working on my first book of poetry! This is also something new and frightening to me, but I'm pushing through and taking the necessary steps to make it as unique and special as it can be. More details on that to come! :) Life overall has been even crazier since May 12th. On the other hand, it's been more fulfilling and peaceful already. I'm learning to take whatever life throws at me and enjoy each moment.
It's a new month, which means new opportunities, new experiences, and new discoveries. I have one month of undergrad left and I'm ecstatic! I'm excited to close this chapter in life. However, I'm enjoying the rest of this journey and remaining present during every bit of it. My 22nd birthday is coming up (04/23). I'll be doing what I do best that day, performing. I would love to see you all there as a birthday present to me! I went to Costa Rica for my last spring break and it was definitely a trip to remember. I knocked so many things off my bucket list just from that vacation. I was able to recharge, reset, and reassess my life. I learned to appreciate what I have from seeing how other people live. Everyone in Costa Rica was happy. Everyone was grateful to just be alive, something that inspired me tremendously. Being around nothing but nature, joy, and tranquility reminded me of the things that truly matter in life. Nothing is more important than your emotional and mental health. Take care of yourself. I advise everyone to travel out of the country as much as possible. Visiting Costa Rica was humbling, refreshing, beautiful, mesmerizing, and rewarding. I'm so excited for what's to come.